Learning to Breathe Inside My Truth
A story about fear, vulnerability, and the unexpected tenderness waiting on the other side.
My dear friend
honored me with this guest post. She’s one of those rare, luminous souls who helps people remember who they truly are, simply by being who she is. Her writing is tender, raw, and beautifully real just like her.I felt the pit in my gut creep up again. Heavy. Black-blue, like a bruise spreading. Tightening into one small, tight as fuck ball just below my chest—as I sat there on a virtual coffee chat with a new friend.
As the conversation flowed, I felt it in my bones; he was the perfect client to work with. A knowing in the chest that nudges you down the path. Like a whisper: make the invite having no idea how it would unfold. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time (and it doesn’t happen with everyone).
But the old voices started to whisper:
What if he thinks you invited him to this call only to pitch him?
What if he misunderstands and pulls away completely?
Don’t you dare to push away a soul-friend you’ve just met!
On and on they went, the ball in my chest tightening at every thought.
And then …something magickal happened. He immediately felt the shift, of course, he did as a sensitive, intuitive, walking the spiritual path himself. “Shruthi what happened? Something feels off,” he asked.
Gulping down the thick phlegm formed in my throat I said:
“As soon as I saw you, something in my heart said that you’d be the perfect person for me to work with. But I got terrified, and all these fears came rushing up.”
He smiled ever so gently without flinching like I expected him to and said, “Can you walk me through them?”. So I did. I spilled everything—all the fears and tangled apprehensions—without realizing it would change me forever.
He held my words with such tenderness, guiding me to sit with every single fear instead of pushing them away. Patient. Grounded. Steady. He didn’t rush to reassure me, didn’t dismiss or sugarcoat. He simply witnessed, held space, and gently asked questions until I could see myself more clearly.
And then, with the same calm presence, he said, “I don’t think right now is the time for us to work together.”
My immediate instinct was to doubt my intuition, “Was I wrong? Then what else was I wrong about?”. But then before I could spiral, something deep within me responded, “You needed to learn this lesson.”
That single conversation changed me forever. Because in his “no,” I saw what I had been running from: my own power to hold myself. To sit with fear without shrinking. To trust the knowing in my chest even when I’m scared.
As someone who was always called too emotional, had to maintain a constant filter with friends, and had numbed & shunned my emotions all my life…it terrified me to suddenly find myself amongst HSPs. To give context, after my spiritual awakening 2 years back, I’ve been on the fast track train to HSP kingdom, where each sensitivity has been opening up in layers and waves. With these openings came waves of emotions, fears, overwhelm, shame, guilt…you know, the usual concoction. It almost felt like I was becoming more confident in my being, and questioning my whole identity & fears at the same time. That’s when overtime, the Universe decided to either remove every person in the circle who weren’t meant for me, upgrade the existing people to HSP’s, or make them come out of their HSP closets.
It was the most beautiful feeling ever! Someone who could deeply understand what you’re going through and are walking on a similar path? I felt so blessed, grateful and not that lonely anymore.
But what I didn’t realise was that as HSP’s who’re crazily attuned to the emotions of people around them, I couldn’t hide or lie my way through things anymore either. I couldn’t have that filter.
You know they say that you’re terrified of the very thing you deeply yearn for? Yup, that happened!
It felt like there was a sudden spotlight on me. The people in my circle, including my husband, started to demand radical honesty, and being myself completely in their own subtle and powerful ways. When I was in my deep spirals of jealousy, FOMO, guilt, shame, or fear…even with them (especially in money or experience matters) internally…things like, “Shruthi, is everything okay?”, “Shruthi, what happened?” or even one knowing look made me feel like a caught rabbit. Of course, my soul was of no help either. The friction with dimming or shunning my light got so bad that I started to feel physical body pains. Like the next phase of my life demanded radical honesty…no matter what.
Everything changed after that call for me. Well…not in an instant. Gradually, over the last 8 months.
Bit by bit…I started being myself more. It has heightened the most in the last few weeks. Especially with frictions, boundaries or low moments.
I told a friend “Hey I know there are things going on at home for you. But it feels like I don’t have enough space in our conversations. Can you listen to me and ask me about my life too?”
I shared with another, “Hey, I’m super duper happy for the journey you’re going through. There could be no one more proud. But I also feel this jealousy from within because I do crave for what you have. Not in terms of pulling it from you or some shit. But from the place of “It’d be really cool if I experienced this too.” you know?? I have felt guilt and shame for this. I don’t wanna feel it anymore, and let both co-exist. It’ll pass when it’ll pass. Is that okay?”
One day I told my mom, “Hey, when you give me long lists I get really overwhelmed. What’s the point if you share everything and it goes over my head? Can you send a voice note if possible or I could call you later?”
In one of the discovery calls (I need to find a new word for it first) with a potential client I shared, “Hey, you might feel me becoming small from time to time while setting expectations or when talking about pricing. I’m working on myself for it. And I want to take the steps led by my soul even when I’m scared. I’m aware of it and will pull back immediately. Even if I don’t, it’s okay. Just wanted to let you know that this is the reason if you suddenly feel an energetic change in the room.”
I shared with another friend, “When we speak about money, and finances…I feel so seen, heard and it’s beautiful. But at the same time I also feel jealous. It could be w.r,t to your vacations or any purchase you’ve made. I’d be supremely happy for you, but still feel something inside. I’m working through it and will get through it.” when she asked me why I was staying silent in our conversation.
What boggles my mind, and gives me goosebumps every damn time is how they respond! With so much empathy, love and compassion!!!!!
It’s always different forms of, “Hey I completely get it. You don’t need to feel ashamed of it at all. We’re here with you. We’ll do it together.”
What initially starts as this heavy energetic ball in my chest, dissipates into this glowing golden light. The pressure lifts. I breathe easier, shoulders finally drop and my back becomes straighter. It feels fucking beautiful and amazing.
To be able to open up to receive that kind of love from someone, the love you’ve always dreamed of, and craved for…even if you had no fucking clue how it really felt?? Gosh!
That black-blue knot in my chest? The one that used to feel like a bruise spreading? It’s become my compass. Every time I let myself be seen in the middle of fear, it softens, and something golden takes its place. I thought I was terrified of rejection. What I was really terrified of was the life that waits on the other side of honesty: a life where nothing in me has to be hidden, where even my jealousy, shame, and grief are met with love. Because I had never experienced it before, my body automatically construed it as unsafe. This is the initiation I never knew I was craving: to discover that when I stop running from my truth, my truth becomes the very place where love meets me.
If her words stirred something within you, wander over to Remembering SELF. Shruthi’s Substack isn’t just a newsletter, it’s a portal. A gathering place for souls in the process of remembering who they are beneath the noise. Her writing is luminous and deeply human, woven with truth, tenderness, and the quiet magic of coming home to yourself.
 | A guest post by
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Thank you so so much for providing the space Malisa! Writing this was beautiful and such an honour! It made me look back and realise so many parts of myself! Thank you!